If Ever There's a Doubt
by No Sweeter Song
Summary: Hatter's forced to face his past when Alice gives him news that leaves him reeling.  The only way they can deal with it is together.


I wrote his as a response to the Syfy LAS challenge on LJ. The prompt was to have a character face their greatest fear. And what fun are monsters, really?

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She gave him several minutes alone before she went after him. Finding him wasn't difficult. He went to the same place he always did whenever he needed some time to think away from her. She found him in the park, by the pond, sitting on the grass with his legs pulled up in front of him. He was absent-mindedly plucking at blades of grass, tearing them to tiny pieces before reaching for the next one.

Without a word, she dropped to the ground beside him, sitting cross-legged. They sat that way, in silence, for a long time before either of them spoke.

"This wasn't supposed to happen," Hatter finally blurted, his words annoyed but his voice terrified. "We were careful. We did everything right."

Alice's smile was wry as she shrugged and nudged him with her arm. "And when have our plans ever gone exactly like we wanted them to? It isn't the end of the world, you know."

His head whipped around, finally facing her. The fear in his eyes couldn't have been more obvious if it had been intentional. "Not the end of the world? Do you really believe that?"

She'd expected him to be upset. Maybe even angry. But that wasn't what she heard in his voice. "Talk to me," she finally said, taking his chin in her hand so he couldn't look away. "What's the problem here?"

To her surprise, he started trembling. She'd seen him wield a gun like a professional, give black eyes and bloody noses with his sledgehammer fist, and walk away from being tortured and beaten. But here he was, her strong and unflappable Hatter, shaking like a small child waking up from a nightmare. "I can't do this, Alice," he whispered, flickering his eyes away from her. "I can't be a dad."

While a part of her was truly worried about him, that usual, rebellious blaze flickered inside of her. "You probably should've thought about that before you slept with me, then," she shot back, releasing him and crossing her arms in front of her.

"You don't get it!" he snapped. While the two of them often argued back and forth, she'd not heard him use that tone in quite some time. "I would do anything for you. Absolutely _anything_. I gave up my entire world to be with you, but..." His head dropped into his hands and she could feel him hiding from her.

"But?" she prodded, her voice losing its fight. She didn't want to argue with him, especially not then. No, she didn't think they'd go celebrate the news that she was about two months pregnant, but she'd certainly not expected this. At least some support. "Hatter... It's a baby. That's all. You think I'm ready to be a mom? Hardly! But...well, it's gonna happen, now isn't it? And if you love me the way you say you do, then we need to do this together."

He sighed heavily, but didn't answer right away, and she didn't force him to. He resumed plucking the grass in front of him before he finally whispered, "I don't know how. What if... What if I'm as bad as he was?"

Uncharacteristic sympathy flooded through her and Alice made a soft itsk/i under her breath. "Your dad, you mean?"

Hatter flinched visibly at the word, but nodded. "Not that he was much of one. Was never around. When he was, he was always hyped up on some tea or another." The fear in his voice had turned bitter and Alice instinctively slipped her arm around his waist, nestling against him. "S'where I learned to fight. Had to stand up for myself, you know? Me and Mum. I don't want that for any kid of mine. I hated him, you know. I hated him for the things he said, the things he did."

"That was a long time ago," she reminded him.

"Not in my head. Eventually I decided it was just easier to live on the street than to have to be in that house any longer. Then I got wrapped up with tea dealers and...well, you know the rest. It was miserable, Alice. What if I'm just like him? What if I break some poor kid's heart just because I'm a rubbish dad?"

Peering up at him beneath her lashes, Alice couldn't help smiling. "Listen to yourself. You already know you don't want to be like him. You're going to go out of your way _not_ to be like him, don't you see?" Reaching over with her free hand, she took his fingers between hers, linking them together. "Hatter, this is your chance. To be the man he wasn't. To give your little boy or little girl the life you didn't get." He shifted his gaze to look down at her as she continued. "It's not like I had the most stable home life growing up. I don't know a lot about how to give a baby a proper home or anything. But Mom's around to help us. And we've got friends, here and in Wonderland, too. How many kids can say that?"

Softly, Hatter snickered. "Fortunately, not many. Hardly any place to raise our children, that."

A grin crossed her face and she sat up, turning to face him fully. "Did you hear that? You said 'children'. As in, more than one. As in, this won't be the only. We can do this, you and me."

Finally, he smiled. Genuinely smiled, a soft turning up of lips that actually met his eyes. He reached out, tenderly stroking her abdomen. "Yeah. I guess together, we'll be okay."


End file.
